Still Waiting ...Now What?

Well, here I am, with my line in the water, and the fish aren't biting.

I confess, I've also been truly distracted by the tragedy in Haiti. It seems wrong, somehow, to worry about getting a date when all that is going on, doesn't it?

I apologize for the gap in my posts here; I'll try to do better.

In the meantime, please go to the American Red Cross website or Doctors Without Borders - or to whatever your favorite charity is - and donate as much as you can.

If you pray, please do that too - after you donate some money.

Love,

Maggie

While We're Waiting...

...how about some trivia?

Yep. Now I'm waiting. My communication with Jeff and Alex and Willie (oh my!) has seemingly stalled. My inbox is still full of my new matches, but when I checked last night, there was really nobody who struck my fancy.

Of course, my inbox has had another influx of eligible men, and I need to log in to Eharmony to check them all out.

In the meantime, did you know that on today's date, January 9, 1810, President James Madison asked Congress to ratify a treaty with the Kickapoo Indians...?

No?

Well, now you do.

Love,

Maggie

Update

Well, my fishing expedition has had a very busy first week.

I read in a book somewhere that when the British ruled India, young ladies of good family would embark on the long perilous journey from Old Blighty across land and sea to exotic, faraway India to catch a husband. Many, many of England's best and brightest young men served in the British army and were employed by the British East India Company, and were posted to exotic locations all over the Raj, from Kashmir to Bombay to Delhi to Cawnpore.

These brave soldiers probably ended up feeling somewhat harried when the ships sailed into the Indian harbors and all the eager young memsahibs disembarked with their governesses and nannies -. and their formidable Victorian mamas - in tow. In fact, this book said that the men referred to the flocks of disembarked eligible unmarried young - and not-so-young - mems fresh from Home as the "fishing fleet."

There. That was a complete non sequitur and my first bit of trivia. I must confess, I do love trivia, and I have a brain full of it; be warned, I may trot out random bits of it here and there as the thought processes connect the dots in my brain.

Anyway, it has been an eventful week. Let's see...I've been dumped once already.

My email inbox is full to bursting with new prospects every night. I'm trying to keep up, but man, this is beginning to feel like a full-time job! Go in, give 'em a quick once-over, check height (anyone under 5'8" is an instant candidate for closure; remember, I'm close to 6 feet tall!), check spelling (anyone who can't tell the difference between "your" and "you're" is another instant candidate for closure), pause momentarily on their location, because a match from a red, red state might not be such a good idea - considering that I'm about as liberal as you can get.

And I do one final check for their religion (I chose "neither spiritual nor religious" as my selection, since I'm an out-of-the-closet atheist); if it says "Christian" I go straight to their "What I Can't Live Without" lines - and if it says anything about Jesus, their wonderful savior or their church, they go straight to the Close Match dustbin. I've got no patience for that!

I'm communicating with three delightful gentlemen, Jeff, Alex and now Willie. Alex and Willie and I are still doing the Guided Communication dance, with its attendant back-and-forthing.

Jeff and I, on the other hand, are about to embark upon the sea of "Open Communication," where we can share our thoughts unfettered by Eharmony's rigid structure. And I must confess, dear reader, that that makes me nervous. This is where I lose my confidence in my ability to charm; what do I do? Send my phone number? My email address? Set up a meet-and-greet over coffee at Starbuck's (now, isn't that a cliche??)?

If you have any advice for me, believe me, it's most welcome! What on earth do you say to someone you've never met, when you're worried that he might think you're too fat? You can post a comment at the end of this (and every other) blog entry, and I promise I'll read them. Oh - and thanks in advance!

Love,

Maggie

I'm Communicating!

OK, I am officially "communicating" with two of my matches, Jeff and Alex. I contacted Jeff first, and Alex contacted me first.

I had to request Alex's picture, which was kind of a drag. But I understand the point - he wants me to be interested in his good qualities, rather than his looks. I get that, and according to his initial information, he has some good qualities. He passed my spelling test, anyway. So, I answered his questions - again with my do-it-yourself typed-in answers. I hate those canned choices!

I have to admit, though, that the lack of picture is kind of a turn-off; I mean, what is he hiding? Does he weigh 500 pounds or have big warts? And would I be shallow if I closed the match if he turns out to be unattractive?

I'm going to have to think about this one. It's only the 3rd of January, and I have 362 more days to do this, so I can take my sweet time about it.

I knew when I signed up for Eharmony that this 'fishing expedition' was going to force me to think about a lot of things I'd rather ignore, and push me out of my comfort zone...and so it has.

Jeff, the guy I contacted, intrigued me. His profile was witty and smart - and correctly spelled. I liked his pictures - a series of three terrific black and white shots (I love b&w photography!). He reminds me of George Carlin - which isn't such a bad thing; George Carlin (may he rest in peace) was an awesome dude with a killer sense of humor, after all. I sent him a request for communication - complete with my pictures - and today, he responded. This one could be interesting!

Could a first date be next...?

Love,

Maggie

I've Been Dumped - Already!!

Well, damn.

It had to happen, didn't it? Being dumped.

Tom - he of the gray hair and slight paunch and possible messy divorce - decided that I'm too fat for him. Evidently, he thinks that he's going to find himself a hot babe. Well, good luck with that, Tom. He sent me an email telling me that I have a "pleasant face" but he's all into fitness and his sex drive is tied up with weight, etc. etc. (Heh - that's simply a variation of the old "But you have such a pretty face..." canard.)

My answer? (Besides a resounding "BULLSHIT!!"...?)

Let he who is without a single extra pound cast the first stone.

Yeah, snarky, I know, but shit - he ain't no Harrison Ford. He's more like George Wendt (the guy from "Cheers").

This is the part about dating that always pisses me off. Middle-aged guys with gray hair and potbellies telling me that I'm too fat.

Well, hell, he's probably losing his hair as well. Snarkity-snark-snark.

I'm trying to be fair here. And I do understand that a whole lot of men think with their ...um, well, you know, right? And that tossing myself into the dating pool, I'm bound to run into the delusional George Wendt types who believe they rate a date with Angelina Jolie. Oh, man.

This is the sucky part of dating.

It sure didn't take long for the sucky part to happen to me, did it? This was why I had cold feet about this whole project - I knew damn good and well that it was going to push every button I have. Every weak spot, every vulnerability, every insecurity, every fear. I knew that going in.

I was going to cut Tom loose anyway. Remember that little question I asked him about his 3 wishes? One of his answers was to be finished with his divorce - and that should have been it right there, only I missed it. (Note to self: read answers more carefully.) I do not want to get involved with someone who's even remotely still married! Period. End of story. Someone in the midst of a divorce, no matter how cordial, is absolutely NOT ready for a new relationship, and I am not going to be somebody's rebound.

You know what I think? I think that Tom is judging me based on all his icky baggage, and I do not need that aggravation. Looking back, his Must Haves/Can't Stands are a lot clearer now; they felt kind of judgmental and even slightly hostile to me. All that business about my being industrious and clean! And who the hell doesn't like pets??

OK, I'm cooling off now. I was smokin' for a minute there, wasn't I?

Now that I'm a bit calmer, and I can think about this with a cooler and more analytical head, this match didn't feel right from the beginning. Several of his comments were worrisome to me, tiny little red flags, if you will - which proves that I have reasonably good instincts and that I should learn to trust them. Maybe I'm not as bad at this as I thought.

Oh, well. This one was getting tossed back anyway. I just didn't get to do it first. And...truth to tell, he won't be the last, either.

Buh-bye, Tom! Cross Frog #1 off the list.

Buckle up, kiddies - it's going to be a bumpy ride!!

This one's FAST!

Tom has already answered my questions and sent me his.

His last question was "Describe your ideal man." This is what I wrote:

Someone who cares about me - warts, character flaws, extra pounds and all. Someone who thinks I'm beautiful - even in the morning when my hair is sticking up funny and I'm all mussy and rumpled. Someone I can talk to endlessly and never get bored. Someone who doesn't judge me and find me wanting. My ideal man is a combination of Keith Olbermann and Michael Moore. Someone smart who gets my geeky sense of humor and bad puns. Someone with a tolerant nature - I don't like authoritarians or anyone who feels he has to push me around or tell me what to do or how to wear my hair. I like who I am and I'd like my man to do the same. I don't want to be stifled or smothered and jealousy is a real turn-off for me.


Wow. I'm a girl who knows what she wants!

Open communication is next.

Love,

Maggie

Happy New Year!

And so it begins. The Big Manhunt. The Eharmony Safari.

I'm communicating with one of my matches, Tom. This is what they call "guided communication." You have these eight stages, a back-and-forth dance that you have to go through before you can reach the nirvana of "Open Communication" and tell each other your phone number or last name and set up that initial meeting or phone call. At each stage, either one of us can close the match if we read something along the way that convinces us that it's not going to work out.

He contacted me first, by sending me his first five questions - you pick them off a long list. There are some serious ones and some more light-hearted questions. You can answer them by picking one of the choices provided, or you can write in your own answer. I prefer - mostly - to write in my own answers, because those silly canned answers just don't tell the whole story. Here are a few of the questions I answered:

How important is chemistry to you?

My answer was one of the canned ones: I think chemistry can be generated over the long term with someone I really like.

That answer, canned or not, works for me. Next question:

Your idea of adventure is:

My answer was freeform: Anything I've never done before - anything can be an adventure!

He wanted to know about my fashion preferences (stylish, but quirky) and my pets (he now knows about my four cats).

Then it was my turn to send him my five silly questions. I asked him how he felt about traditional gender roles (no male chauvinists, please!), how often he laughs (gotta have a sense of humor!) and whether he likes discussing current events and "the issues of the day." I also sent him the pet question; I guess I'm trying to ferret out whether or not he faints at the sight of a fresh hairball.

His answers? Well, he gets a B-. He wants me in the kitchen, and he gets to do the manly man stuff. The big worry is that he says he's "not a pet person."

That could be a problem. "Not a pet person" can be secret code for compulsive neat freak - which will NOT work with me. I'm an indifferent housekeeper with a fairly high tolerance for clutter and four cats, which means cat hair, cat litter and the occasional cat accident, which generally involves some rather nasty looking liquid with chunks in it.

Well, no judgments like that yet.

Anyway, next are the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" - a list of ten things each that you must have and can't stand in a partner. You get to pick from a laundry list of virtues and sins. My must haves generally revolve around character; I want someone smart, affectionate and honest, with a generous nature, a good sense of humor and a willingness to resolve conflicts. My can't stands are also strongly character-correlated: I do not want someone who lies, who uses drugs, who is a hypocrite or religious freak, a racist or a bigot.

So, I duly send along my Must Haves and Can't Stands.

He sends me his Must Haves/Can't Stands. Hmmmm. His Must Haves/Can't Stands read like a list of what he wants in an employee: financially responsible, industrious, loyal, responsible; I cannot be lazy, and I must be clean and sexy.

Do I sound like I'm trying to talk myself out of meeting with this guy? Those MH/CS of his are a little concerning to me. But, I soldier on - let's be fair here, right?

So - on to the next step, sending the 2nd set of three questions. This time, you can make up your own. So I decide to address that cleanliness thing. I ask, "You said you can't stand someone who "isn't clean." Could you please define that?" and I went on to add a bit of explanation, "I just want to know that you won't lose your temper over a couple of dirty dishes in the sink."

I chose one more serious question, "What are you looking for in a relationship partner" and one silly question, "If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?" (I like the imagination aspect of that kind of question.)

Now, I'm waiting for his answers. Or he may decide that I'm a crazy cat hoarder and he wants nothing more to do with me and close the match. Or I may decide he's an authoritarian neat freak who hates cuddly little animals and close the match.

We'll see, won't we?

Love,

Maggie