Meatloaf and Frozen Peas

Yep. Meatloaf and frozen peas.

That's Carl.

We met at a local coffee shop, a busy restaurant from the IHOP mold, full of noisy kids, noisy parents yelling at noisy kids to be quiet, an assortment of senior citizens and yups on their cell phones. Not a place I would have chosen. Starbucks may be cliche and all, but at least they have good coffee - and no screaming children.

I got there around 12:30 - I had no idea how long it was going to take me to drive from my house to the coffee shop; traffic in this town is an endless enigma. So I sat in my car and leafed through my Crate and Barrel catalogue (which is all I'll ever do, because everything in that damned catalogue is ridiculously overpriced!!) until it was time to go in.

I sat in the lobby with a family (and yes, they had screaming kids) and waited for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I see a guy walk up. He peered in the window but didn't react when he saw me. I chose to wear a shirt the same color as sweater I was wearing in my photograph, so it would have been pretty obvious that it was me. He didn't react; instead he wandered around the front of the place for a moment, and then he sat on a bench outside the restaurant.

I couldn't put him together with his picture; he did not look at all like the shots of him on Eharmony. Different angles, I guess.

So I wondered. Was it him? Why didn't he come in? Didn't he know that he was a few minutes late, and that I was probably sitting inside?

I sat there and dithered.

How embarrassing would it be if I went up to this total stranger and asked, "Are you Carl?" I was cringing - what if he wasn't Carl? So I sat there, and the guy showed no signs of coming in. So, I gathered up my dignity and went out and did just that: asked "Are you Carl?" Fortunately for me, he said yes. (Whew.) He said that he hadn't been able to see me through the window. (And yes, reader, I am currently shaking my head and rolling my eyes - just a little. Why not just come in and do a quick check of the lobby, right?)

Anyway, we got served our drinks - he's a Diet Pepsi guy, and since I can't stand that yucky stuff, I made a joke about being a Diet Coke die-hard - and did that mean we were doomed...? He laughed, and we had a chatty lunch. He told me about his job. I told him about my job. I mentioned that I had gotten laid off in 2009, and he mentioned that they were expanding his department.

You probably would have dozed off, reader. I almost did. The only thing that kept me awake was my chicken quesadilla and some really nice iced tea - it was brewed, not that instant crap. (I digress, don't I?)

I noticed that Carl had a cold; he was sniffing (which was kind of icky), but he was considerate enough to apologize. I did have an uncharitable thought or two that he should have been considerate enough to cancel until he was well.

We got through lunch and he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk around the lake. So I said ok, and we got in my car and drove about a mile or so to the park. There were lots of people there, and he kept waving me away from parking spaces, saying that he "always parked way in the back." So I kept driving, and passed several more parking spaces and he told me to keep going. When we finally got to the part of the park where he claimed there were always parking spaces - guess what? No parking spaces.

One thing I noticed was that he was a back-seat (front-seat) driver. What is it with guys that they have this firmly held belief that women cannot drive without direction...? Who made that stupid rule anyway?? So we drove on, with me gritting my teeth.

Then he wanted to show me the model airplane park. I said OK to that, but I really could give a crap about model airplanes. We drove a little further and pulled into another park; this time there was a parking space (complete with mud), so I pulled in. We sat at an empty picnic table and watched very large boys play with their very expensive toys for about an hour.

He kept patting me on the knee to emphasize his points, which I began to find mildly annoying, along with the icky sniffing (the nasty juicy kind). Finally, I said that I had to go, because I really do have something I have to do for tomorrow, and I need to get busy.

I don't really think we're going to hit it off, readers. He's nice, but he's kind of nebbishy and I think that I'd eventually find him to be very annoying. I'm going to toss him back and let him continue fishing (he's not only on Eharmony, he's on Match.com AND Chemistry.com...is that a red flag?).

Meatloaf and frozen peas. I think I'm going to hold out for a nice, juicy, rare steak.

Until next time, readers,

Love,

Maggie